A Working Dad’s Guide to Fatherhood

The birth of my daughter was one of the happiest days of my life . . . which meant that going back to work was extremely hard for me, as it is for many new dads. The office can take up a lot of the day (and night!), and it’s easy to feel down when you’re not able to hang out with your new baby. But a hardworking dad can definitely still enjoy fatherhood, especially if he plans his time well. Here is some advice I followed that could work for you too.

Hit the floor. No matter how old your child is, getting down to her level is an excellent way to play. Crawling on the floor with her when she's a baby, rolling around when she hits the toddler stage, and pig-piling with bigger kids is always a hit.

Sign up. Try Daddy-and-me swim lessons or channel your inner musician and find a baby music group. By taking a class, not only will you be teaching your child a skill or sport, but you’ll be spending a special time together each week.

Play chef. Every dad has a specialty up his sleeve, whether it’s flipping burgers, concocting a yummy pasta dish, or simply opening a can of soup -- with crackers. What you make doesn’t have to be fancy, but it does have to be your own. Host dinner once a week, serving your particular meal, even if your new baby is still on purées. She’ll enjoy watching you move around the kitchen and before you know it will be able to join in on the family meal fun.

Don’t sweat it. Tied up with a big presentation or stuck on a business trip? Either way, don’t stress if you’re away from your little one for longer than usual. In place of one-on-one play, consider reading a story to your child or singing a bedtime song over a webcam. She’ll love hearing your voice and seeing your face, even if you aren’t right next to her.

Remember, it’s the love and attention you give to your child -- not the number of hours you rack up together -- that counts on the scale of fatherhood. Whether you're cooking or cuddling, swimming or crawling on the floor, you're building a bond and being a great father.

Photo by Arty on Unsplash

My C-section Delivery

From the second I learned I was carrying twins, I knew I had a good chance that my birth story would involve a C-section. For most of my pregnancy, Baby A (or Bailey as we like to call her now) was head-down, but her stubborn sister, Baby B (Brooklyn), was breached. My doctor explained to me that I could try for a natural birth and hope that the second baby either flipped on her own after her sister was born or they might be able to manually maneuver her from the outside. If they couldn’t flip her, I would need a C-section. I wasn’t thrilled about the possibility of having both a natural birth and a C-section, so we decided that if Baby B was still breached at delivery, I would just have a C-section. When delivery day came, and she was still feet first, we prepared for the C-section.

My husband, Darren, was given scrubs complete with a surgical cap to wear while they prepped me for surgery. They took me into the operating room to administer the spinal tap while Darren waited outside. I was a little intimidated by the room at first. An operating room looks a little less inviting than the comfy delivery room we saw on the hospital tour, and there were a lot of people in the room.

Each baby had a team of doctors and nurses, plus another team of doctors and nurses and the anesthesiologist for me. The spinal tap hurt a little, but only for a few seconds. I had time to move onto the table and lay flat before my lower half went numb. They placed a sheet in front of me to block my view of the surgery. Then the nurse brought my husband back into the room, and he held my hand. The nurse provided a play–by-play of what was happening on the other side of the curtain, so we knew what was going on.

It only took a short amount of time until we heard our first little girl crying, followed a minute later by her sister. It took about a half hour or so to finish the C-section, then I was wheeled into the recovery room. I will never forget my first glimpse of my daughters. They were perfect.

Recovery from a C-section is really like recovering from any other major abdominal surgery. You will be sore and have some pain, but it won’t last forever, though the love for your new baby -- or new babies -- will!

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

From a Dad’s Eye: Labor and Delivery

My first daughter’s birth was both exciting and routine, with a healthy outcome and an experience that was, of course, personal and unique to me. The run up to the big day was by the book: My wife and I attended birthing classes, went on a hospital tour, and packed our overnight bags -- all with a great sense of anticipation. Here’s how it went down:

Missed the due date: Very few new babies actually arrive when predicted, as due dates are simply an educated guess. Also, many firstborns are late. Our first daughter fit the pattern exactly: Her due date was in late July, but she was born on August 3.

Got our steps in: As the extra days wore on, we decided to follow our regular routine, which included socializing with friends and sticking to our workouts. In fact, we took a very long walk the day before my wife went into labor.

Waited -- and waited: The walk must have done the trick: My wife’s water broke the day before our new baby’s delivery, very early in the day. She spent the next few hours relaxing at home, taking a shower, and reading. I manned the frying pan and made her a wholesome breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

Headed to the hospital: Once we arrived at the hospital, our time was spent waiting, reading the newspaper, and talking to family members on the phone. Frankly, when you’re a dad-to-be and so excited to meet your new baby, the birth can feel like a rather long process! And just when the labor seemed to be progressing, it slowed down for a time, so my wife was given a drug to speed the process. It worked!

Pushed -- and pushed! Many hours of labor passed before the pushing phase began. My wife struggled, but our baby would not descend. It was soon determined that our new baby was presenting ‘sunny side up’, rather than face down, and would have to do a kind of baby backbend to exit the birth canal.

Changed course: I learned that it’s important to be flexible when it comes to your new baby’s delivery. In our case, the doctors determined that a C-section was necessary, so we made a quick transfer to an operating room. Our daughter arrived in the wee morning hours, kicking, screaming, and weighing in at a rather large (for a girl) 8 pounds and 9 ounces. She had lots of dark hair, chubby cheeks, and was quite healthy. I know it’s a cliché, but I couldn’t have been more proud.

Looking back at our new baby’s delivery, I wouldn’t change a thing. Of course, you don’t really have an option -- your baby will choose to come out when she’s ready. My tip to all new dads: Arrive at the hospital as prepared as possible, and don’t forget the camera to document those first few special moments with your little one!

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Baby Name Traditions

Ah, the perfect baby name. There ought to be some kind of formula, a goof-proof recipe for naming success. Here was ours: We coupled my husband’s Irish/English last name  with a Jewish-sounding first name that reflects my cultural identity and isn’t too hard for Americans to pronounce. Then, we added a middle name honoring my  recently deceased grandmother. It was a crowd-pleaser, because everyone had some say.

It seems like we came up with it pretty simply now, but the truth is, there are so many different places to take inspiration from when choosing a baby name. Many naming traditions take cues from family trees, national history, and even popular culture.

A time-honored way to find baby name meaning inspiration: Honor a relative. Many cultures follow this baby name standard, but it can be executed in different ways —using  the same first initial or the exact name of a beloved grandmother or grandfather, or using a family maiden name. This can make the naming challenge easier—though it could also make it harder, if the name is odd (Wellford, for a girl name), or if the name is already in use by four cousins.

Other parents have been inspired by rock stars (Dylan), book or movie characters (Katniss), historical figures (Columbus), famous writers (Emily), saints (Sebastian), Biblical figures (Noah), cultural heritage (Seamus), star formations (Orion), favorite foods (Apple), aspirations (Joy), cities (London), flowers (Dahlia) and even bugs (Cricket). Some parents simply make up their own baby names, like Mareau and Thaura, who live down the street. Or Janicxa and Camajerie, in my daughters’ school. 

For more ideas, there are umpteen books, websites, and even name-generator websites – which make suggestions based on your taste. When you’ve got your list of top contenders, imagine yourself leaning out the back door and calling this child to dinner. If it doesn’t roll off the tongue, go back to your muses and try again.

Photo by Damir Spanic on Unsplash

Baby Stuff That Kept One Mom and Toddler Busy

I am that mother who wants to expose her child to every activity, so that she can find inspiration from something creative, active, or educational. I have to admit -- I was in danger of over-scheduling my two-year-old, so I took a step back and just observed my daughter’s contentment with being at home among her favorite baby things.

Here’s a look at what that included:

1.    Books!  As an English teacher, I was constantly reading to my daughter.  Some of the books I read to her early on are still her favorites, but we are adding new ones all the time. Some are timeless, and some are modern, but all are well-loved and worn. She especially likes sensory books, where each page has an illustration with a different feel to it -- soft, feathery, rough, or bumpy. We have had to repair many of these books, as they are just the most irresistible baby items to little hands!

2.    When those curious fingers are getting the better of her, i we bring out the crayons and paper. The creativity, concentration, and independence that are fostered through these simple (and cheap) baby items are unbelievable! She loves sorting the colors and lining up the crayons, or just seeing how many she can carry from one room to the next. It really helps further baby development.

3.    Preferring quiet activities and nurturing her sensitive side, my daughter loves caring for her baby dolls. She puts them to sleep, cradles them, and pushes them in her doll stroller. We have spent hours feeding and burping her baby dolls, and occasionally comforting one that, for some reason, is sad.

4.    Similarly, my daughter has recently discovered another favorite baby item: her “lovey,” a stuffed beagle. She sleeps with it and carries it around the house until we leave for the day. Doggie reads books with her at night and sits patiently to wait for her while she takes a bath. On particularly rough days, doggie rides with us while we run errands, but he always waits in the car, because we wouldn’t want to lose him!

We are an active family and still participate in many activities, like toddler gym and music classes, but the most precious time is spent at home watching in awe as my two-year-old explores her environment and makes connections to the world around her using the best baby items that we can provide for her.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash