“Honey, I feel like you’re doing all the work,” I said, plopping down on the couch next to my wife as she breastfed our newborn, Henry.

A slow smile came across Caitlin’s face as she gestured to the tray of drinks and food that I’d carried upstairs. “Do you realize how much this helps me?” she responded. “I’m thirsty and hungry all the time, but so is Henry, and I can’t find even two minutes to go to the kitchen!” And then she stuffed a peanut butter sandwich into her mouth.

When we brought my son home, I felt that I wasn’t needed by Henry the way he needed his mother. But with one tray of food, I realized that I played a pivotal role as a new dad: my family’s provider and protector. Through my support and love for my wife, I could help my son be happier and healthier.

Here are six simple, everyday ways new dads can help your first-time-mom wife:

• Help Her Recover: Childbirth is very hard on a woman’s body. Keep the fridge well-stocked with grab-and-go foods like yogurt and cut fruit, make sure she drinks enough water, and when you do cook meals, make double portions so she can snack on leftovers later.

• Encourage Rest: Make a ‘baby station’ on the couch. Surround the new mom with pillows, blankets, snacks and drinks, and anything the baby will need. Encourage her to rest -- chores can wait. 

• Be Her Bouncer: Your partner may not want others to play ‘pass the baby’ when she’d rather be bonding with her newborn. If she is trying to establish a breastfeeding routine, visitors can be particularly disruptive. She also may find well-meaning family members and friends’ constant advice to be annoying. She may be too tired or sore to handle it, so be sure to ask others for alone time when your partner or baby clearly needs a break.

• Bond with Baby: Diaper changes and baths are amazing opportunities to bond with your baby -- and give your partner a chance to rest. Don’t wait for her to ask you to do these things; if you catch a whiff of a dirty diaper, be proactive and change the baby right away.

• Get Her Out of the House: If your partner is able and willing to leave your newborn for a few hours, book her an appointment for a post-natal massage or a manicure. If leaving the baby isn’t a realistic option, give her an at-home break. Ask your wife’s best friend to come over with takeout, and do as much of the baby care as possible while the ladies catch up.

• And Last, But Not Least…: Tell your her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s a great new mom. Tell her that you’re amazed by everything her incredible body is able to do. Give her a hug, hold her hand, and gaze into her eyes. The little gestures mean a great deal to a new mother.

Photo by Jimmy Conover on Unsplash

As you may have discovered, even the most well intentioned family members and friends, coworkers and strangers will ask unwanted questions while you’re pregnant. So how does a mom-to-be handle the queries gracefully while keeping her cool? The key is to be ready for whatever people will throw at you. Here’s how to cope with some awkward situations you'll encounter while pregnant.

The question: “What are you going to name your new baby?”

Let’s face it: Coming up with a baby name that you and your partner can agree on is hard enough without anyone else chiming in, and it’s normal to worry that someone will steal your baby name. While some expecting parents have no problem revealing potential monikers, it’s okay if you prefer to not to share. Just politely explain that for now you’re keeping names a secret, and if you decide to announce the name before the baby comes they’ll be the first to know.

The remark: “Did you know I was in labor for 38 hours?”

It’s normal for new moms to want to share their experiences and offer pregnancy tips, but no one wants to hear horror stories about the delivery room. If a conversation gets too graphic, feel free to interrupt and politely say that you appreciate the advice, but everyone’s pregnancy and delivery is different. Explain to your chatty friend that the next time you have a question, you’ll be sure to give her a call.

The question: “Are you pregnant?”

If a nosy co-worker or cousin is prying before you’ve decided to make the announcement, remember that you’re allowed to keep it a secret for as long as you’d like. Not ready to ‘fess up? Try a quick, “Not yet!” fib as a response. When you are ready to tell family and friends that you'll be a new mom, it’s usually best to start with your inner circle before posting on Facebook. At your workplace, your wisest course is to tell your boss in private before spreading the word.

The question: “Was it planned?”

Whether someone asks whether you went the IVF route or if the pregnancy was a total surprise, don’t feel obligated to answer. The easiest way to wiggle out of it is to say, “We’re so happy we’re having a baby; how have you been?” By changing the topic, you indicate that you’re not willing to talk about the subject, and most people should get the hint.

The request: “Can I touch your belly?”

It seems that the instant you have a bump, everyone wants to feel it. But having your tummy rubbed -- especially by total strangers -- can be awkward and weird, to say the least. Ward off unwanted hands by keeping something in front of your belly (a purse will do the trick). When it comes to people you know trying to get in a rub, you’ll have to be a little more diplomatic; jokingly tell them that the baby is sleeping and doesn’t want to be woken up.

Just remember, it’s your baby -- and your body -- so don’t let other people make you feel uncomfortable. There’s always a polite way to refute questions you don’t want to answer.

Photo by Vitor Pinto on Unsplash

As your due date draws near, the nesting instincts you’ve been feeling throughout your pregnancy may be stronger than ever. These powerful urges can tempt expectant moms to do anything from painting the nursery to cleaning  gutters, washing drapes, and stocking up on diapers and onesies. It's important to focus on only what you are truly capable of doing without exhausting yourself, so you can save your energy to care or your new baby.

What is nesting?

The urge to clean and organize your home (and everything in it) before bringing your baby home is a primal instinct that many animals, from birds to dogs, have during pregnancy. Though it’s unclear why these urges occur in humans, one theory is that they may be remnants from a time when physical preparation was necessary for women to have a safer childbirth. Nesting may begin months before your due date, but it is usually strongest just before delivery.

While using these nesting instincts can be a wonderful way to prepare your home for your new baby, or to tackle projects you haven’t had time to do before becoming a new mom, it’s important to make the most of your urges safely and not overdo it.

Nesting tips

Here are a few things to keep in mind before you bring your baby home:

• Make a to-do list: Ready to defrost the fridge, wipe down the windows, and sweep out the garage right now? Instead, make a list of everything you’re looking to accomplish to keep your mind from wandering, and to avoid feeling overwhelmed with too many projects. Plus, you’ll feel satisfied crossing things off your list as you finish them up.

• Set some priorities: Use that checklist to tackle the “must-do” projects like packing your hospital bag, installing the car seat, readying the diapers, and washing a week’s worth of newborn outfits. This process will help you focus on things you really need to have done before having your new baby.

• Prep some food: If you’re really feeling ambitious, plan out a few weeks’ worth of meals, cook them up, and freeze them. You'll be all set for those days when taking a shower seems impossible, let alone putting dinner on the table.

• Don’t push it: Carve out some time for a little self pampering, like a do-it-yourself manicure or deep conditioning treatment, and make sure to take breaks if you find yourself getting run-down as you clean. Be sure to keep yourself safe, too, by steering clear of ladders or any project that involves heights, heavy objects, or toxins -- that’s what your partner, friends, and family are for!

Try not to be discouraged if you don’t tackle everything you’d like to before you bring your baby home. Your new baby won’t mind if the bookshelves haven’t been organized in the nursery, or if her newborn outfits aren’t folded perfectly. All she wants to do is bond with you!

Photo by kevin liang on Unsplash

For weeks after I gave birth to my little bundle, the generous gifts kept rolling in for her. Without question, for parents whose expenses are about to go through the roof, baby items are a thoughtful and almost necessary gesture. But what about the mother, who is devoting every minute of her day to her new baby?

From my own experience and those of other new moms, here are seven sure-to-please gifts for new moms.

1. Chic diaper bag. Clutches and wristlets will be swapped for oversized totes when a mom welcomes her new baby. But just because she’ll be lugging around everything from wipes and diapers to a change of clothes doesn’t mean she needs to lose her sense of style. The key to a good diaper bag is space and pockets: the more the better, for easy access. Ask what her favorite color or pattern is, and make a custom diaper bag or tote bag for the new mom at online stores. This gift is two-fold: It’ll help her tote all her baby stuff while helping her feel stylish.

2. Spa day. A relaxed, happy and healthy mom equals a relaxed, happy and healthy baby. Offer your babysitting services, and treat a new mom to a few hours at the spa that are just about her. If you think she would have trouble getting out, put together an at-home spa package with stress-relieving lavender lotions, a back massager, and microwaveable cozy booties. Helping her indulge while the baby naps is a fantastic idea.

3. Reading material. This is a particularly useful new mom gift for the breastfeeding mom, as a recent study shows that nursing moms spend an average of six additional hours per week feeding their children than bottle-fed baby. Provide her with your favorite guilty pleasure, or gift her with a useful and fun baby-related book to help her bond further with her little one.

4. Digital photo frames. There’s no question that first-time moms quickly turn into a baby paparazzo. Digital photo frames are the perfect new mom gift for the camera-lover in your life, as it will let them easily display those memorable moments and firsts for all to see, without the need of a printer.

5. Notecards. When you’re deciding on gifts for new moms, consider what’s going on in her life right now. For example, since new moms will be receiving numerous gifts from you and others, why not help them out and buy pretty notecards or thank you cards? There are many online stores that allow personalization, or keep it simple and universal, so they can be used for a variety of occasions.

6. Mommy jewelry. First-time moms are proud of their new title, and proud of their new little one. As such, a great new mom gift idea might be a personalized necklace or charm bracelet with the baby’s initials for special nights out, so her baby is always close to her heart. When the next baby arrives, simply add a charm!

7. Cleaning service for a day. Time is never on a new mom’s side. When it comes to new mom gifts, give her a break by hiring a cleaning service to take care of the dirty work, while she spends time focusing on bigger -- or tinier -- things. This will free her from worrying about the mess while keeping baby healthy. Look for a green or eco-friendly company that uses chemical-free products.

Photo by Mon Petit Chou Photography on Unsplash

Let’s be realistic: Pregnancy pillows and nursing bras aren’t the most thrilling items on a baby shower registry. Most guests want to get the cute clothes or the fun toys as new mom gifts. Just because a gift is technically a baby item doesn’t mean it won’t help out a new mom. Some of the most useful gifts I’ve received have actually been for my daughter, Paloma.

Favorite Gift #1: Hooded Towels

Unless she wants to do a load of laundry after every bath, you can’t really go wrong with a new mom gift of hooded towels to keep the baby warm and dry from head to toe. It’s nice to always have one that’s clean and ready-to-go. While the smaller towels may look cute, a larger size is more useful, since the baby will be able to use it both right away and as she grows.

Favorite Gift #2: Activity Gym

Babies are supposed to have “tummy time” every day, which can be very boring for both the baby and for new moms. The activity gym was a great new mom gift, because for a while, it was the only toy Paloma needed during tummy time and beyond. Most gyms come with five toys that hang down, which is plenty. There are also plastic rings that make the toys higher or lower, making them easier or more challenging to grab at.

Favorite Gift #3: “Fun” Books

Books are a great baby item in a new mom’s arsenal, whether they’re used to calm the baby down for bed or engage them in playtime. These “fun” books have absolutely stood the test of time. Someone gave us a book that features a finger puppet in different settings on each page. When she was really little, Paloma loved watching us play the part of the puppet. Now, she takes over puppeteering duties and entertains herself.

Favorite Gift #4: Homemade Toys

We know a lot of creative people and have been given handmade baby items from stuffed animals to handmade blocks. Not only do they entertain a new baby, but it’s really nice to be able to say, “someone made this especially for you.” Homemade toys also tend to be simple, meaning they’re something you’ll be able to use for a while -- just be sure that the homemade item is safe for your baby to play with, check for unfinished edges or sharp accents, and confirm it isn’t a potential choking hazard. After all, I still have my favorite stuffed animal from when I was little.