My wife and I didn't realize how opposite we were until after we were married. The only thing we found that we agreed upon was our taste in furniture.

This was fun for a while. When confronted on the topic, we had our standard lines like "We complement each other" or "Opposites attract you know!"  We realized that we got each other to try new things. She got me to travel; I got her to break her cleanliness obsession. A fair trade, I thought.

While this may have been fun when it was just the two of us, once our family expanded, it became a bit more serious. We quickly discovered that our parenting styles were also quite opposite., and our conflicting ideas now affected others. So we decided to try to take the best parts of both of our personalities and make it work for everyone.

It really started before we had any children. She didn't think she wanted any. I was excited about fatherhood and wanted as many as possible. She finally agreed to one. When our son was born, I wanted her to breastfeed him. I felt it was very important. Suffice to say she was not into it, and refused. He got formula. Baby number one softened her stance on kids considerably, and we both decided we wanted a second baby. We had another boy, but by this time, she was all about breastfeeding.

At that point, I was happy but exhausted. I figured we were good with two kids, and that we were finished with baby making.But she insisted we needed a third! I could scarcely believe it, but her mind was made up. In fact, she wanted a third boy, saying she was used to them, and wouldn't "my three sons" be adorable. I was nervous about the responsibility of a third, but if I were to have one, I really wanted a little girl. I took a chance and agreed on the third. Our boys got a plump, pretty little baby sister named Amelia. She was always hungry, always crying, hardly slept. Precious, but more work than either one of us anticipated.

As our kids have grown, we still maintain differences. My wife is known to bribe the kids. I don’t give in to tempting them. When it comes to fatherhood, I let the kids do want they want (or not) when it comes to activities. Their mother is a bit more involved, wanting to choose for them. And like many parents with different styles, our kids have figured out that if mommy says no, ask daddy -- or vice versa.  

While, our differences haven’t always made things simple, I feel they have helped our kids --and our family in general -- become better-rounded.  My kids have gotten my wife's wanderlust and her fashion sense. From me, they've picked up a sense of humor and an interest in art and photography. Somehow, they've seemed to have absorbed the best of each of us. And that's something both their mom and dad are thankful for.

Photo by Limor Zellermayer on Unsplash

I’d always imagined a baby’s bath time to be a joyful experience, full of laughter, splashing, and bubbles. But as it turns out, this particular element of baby development can be rather nerve-wracking and scary! Isabel, my firstborn, seemed pretty hefty at birth (she was 8 pounds and 9 ounces), but at her first baby bath, she looked scrawny, small, and very slippery.

However, we both got the hang of bath time after some practice, and it became something we looked forward to. Here are my top tips for a successful soak.

Prep Ahead
I wouldn’t start washing Isabel until I had every item right by my side, including shampoo, soap, a washcloth, a cup for rinsing, towels, and at least one fun squeaky toy. I organized it all before she went into the tub. This way, I wouldn’t have to look away for even one second during the baby bath.

Consider the Tub
After Isabel’s umbilical cord fell off, she was ready to move from sponge baths to actual baby baths where she was submerged in water. But because the big tub in our bathroom was cavernous, I used a little blue one designed for babies under 12 pounds, and propped her rubber ducky on the edge. Then, I filled it with the recommended two to three inches of water.

Stay Warm
For safety during this baby development, I always made sure to hold Isabel securely while she bathed. The plastic tub served to prop her up so her head didn’t wobble, but it also meant that some of her body was out of the water. To prevent her from getting too cold, I carefully poured the warm bath water over her upper body throughout the duration of the soak.

Get Cozy
The best part of our baby bath time was the après bath snuggle. Being tucked inside the towel and cradled in my arms was calming for Isabel. In fact, it was so soothing that a bath quickly became part of our bedtime routine. She learned to associate the end of the bath with sleepy time -- making the nights easier for both of us.

Your baby’s first baths may seem tricky, but stick with it (putting safety first, of course). With a little practice, you’ll also find that an evening soak makes for a great bonding activity for you and your new baby.

My third child had the remarkable distinction of being attached to not one, not two, but three blankets. These baby items were appropriately, if not creatively, named blue blankie, yellow blankie, and green blankie, and he loved them all. Regardless of where he went, the blankets were always in tow. It was cute at first. After all, he was the baby of the family, and everyone likes to dote over the youngest child. But as he passed from baby to toddler, his dependence on the blankets grew. I wondered if transitioning him from an item he'd outgrown would be three times more difficult when it was time to leave this baby development stage in the dust.

As time went on, I began to worry that he'd take the blankets on his first date. I knew he wouldn't, of course, but when you're a parent in the throes of weaning your child from his favorite baby item, you seriously begin to wonder. The blankets accompanied us to the playground and the supermarket -- even his sister's soccer games. As time went on, they got dirty, torn, and worn. 

Our pediatrician assured us that our son wasn't the first child on the planet to grow overly attached to a security object. In fact, it's a normal stage of baby development that helps provide the child with a sense of security, and there's no reason to force him out of his comfort zone. These things usually fix themselves, she said. She was right.

Preschool -- and the peer pressure that goes along with it -- played a major role in weaning our son off the blankets. It doesn't take any child long to figure out that the other kids aren't walking into preschool with three blankets in tow. In addition to that, his father and I tried our best not to fuss about the blankets. Yes, they were annoying, but we tried to overlook them. Logic told us that if these baby items were acting as a form of security, then telling him not to use them might only create more anxiety, and in turn, increase the dependency. We chose to let the social pressures of preschool work their magic instead.

During the time when our son and his blankets were inseparable, these tips helped us cope:

 

• Don't insist that your child give up his security attachment too soon. It only creates more anxiety.
• Set limits when necessary, but do it gently. For instance, rather than dragging the blankets through a dirty playground, we encouraged our son to leave them in a safe place while he played.  
• Find other ways to keep your child's hands busy and occupied, like building blocks, drawing, or solving a floor puzzle.
• Give plenty of hugs while your child is learning to outgrow the dependency.

 

Like many parents, we worried that our son's blankets would be with him forever. Now we know that blue, yellow, and green blankies were simply another stepping stone in his ongoing quest for independence.

Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash

There’s definitely a lot of stigma associated with water births, and because of that, it’s not something I’d initially planned to do. However, I liked the idea of a more natural childbirth, and reading testimonies from other women really made me feel like it was something I wanted to experience. It was through these birth stories that I began to consider a water birth. I’m someone who loves a good hot bath, which seemed like a much more appealing place to give birth than a hospital bed. So my husband and I found a great birthing center run by midwives, who were very supportive of our plan.

When the big day finally came, I was taken to one of the center’s birthing suites. Instead of a traditional hospital room, these suites have big, comfy beds and a massive private bathroom with a really deep tub. They still have all the medical equipment a hospital has -- it’s just tucked away in the closets and drawers, giving the room a homey feel. I also liked the fact that if anything had gone wrong, there was a hospital right across the street, so I felt very safe.

By the time we got to the room, all I wanted to do was get into that tub. My contractions were coming in intense waves, with very little break in between -- once I got in the water, it was almost relaxing. The water is kept at exactly 98.6 degrees, and you’re almost completely submerged. Don’t get me wrong: When those contractions hit, I could still feel a sharp pain -- but all that pressure I was feeling outside the tub all but evaporated. Even better, in between contractions, I could literally just float and rest up for the next push while the midwives made sure everything was okay with me and baby.

After the final push, the midwife put my daughter Paloma right on my chest and placed a warm wash cloth over her back. Unlike most babies, Paloma let out one cry then quieted down, because she was still wet and warm. It was so comforting in the tub that I don’t even think she realized she was out of the womb!

Once we were out of the tub, I was immediately wrapped in a soft robe -- complete with heating packs to make the transition out of the water less jarring -- and tucked into bed. The midwives were able to do all of the normal examinations of both me and the baby right there, then turned off the lights to let my husband, Paloma, and I get some much-needed sleep. We had an on-call button if we needed something, but otherwise, our new family was left alone to bond. 

I’d never try to talk someone into a water birth, but for me, childbirth is something I’ll go through just once or twice in my life, and I wanted to be fully present. A water birth was an ideal way to do so without all the pain of natural labor.

Photo by Alex Hockett on Unsplash

My son Henry is fifteen months old, and he loves to climb playground equipment and splash in the pool. Such a big boy! This age is so fun, but I do catch myself occasionally longing for the baby days. Children are just so sweet at that age, and it’s such a joy to watch them reach their baby milestones, to see them begin to discover and learn.

Here's a list of the baby stuff that helped my little Henry discover the world:

Lounging pillow: Henry sat in his pillow every day of his life for the first five months. The lounging pillow cradled him, helped him feel secure, and made him a happy baby. His swing was helpful, too, but the pillow was easy to move around and travel with. It was one baby item we simply could not have done without.

Chilled teething ring: This was a textured ring filled with water. When frozen, the chilled ring helped soothe his aching gums when he was going through that developmental stage.

Baby mirror: I'll never forget the first time that Henry noticed his reflection. He thought it was another baby entirely! This simple baby item provided hours of entertainment for little Henry while he was touching, talking to, and smiling at the 'other baby.'

Jumper: There was a time when Henry wanted to be mobile but hadn’t yet reached the baby milestone of being able to crawl. My arms were only so strong -- I couldn't spend all day bouncing him up and down on my knee. Thank goodness for the jumper, the best baby item of all time. He would happily jump for so long. Every time we walked by the jumper, he'd reach for it.

Photo by Nynne Schrøder on Unsplash